Friday, December 16, 2011

Sleeve (Friday Fiction)

Hi everyone! I have the distinct pleasure of hosting Friday Fiction this week. I'm running a snippet of flash fiction as this is finals week at university and I'm still waiting for my brain to check back with me. Anyhow, to join up, just add your name and link to the widget below. Don't forget to read and comment on other entries--we all love the feedback. Happy holidays! ^_^ 

Author's ramblings: This is one of my flash fiction prompts for the word "Sleeve" and is pretty much a little fiction "scene" in a "scene". I'll be starting up my Christmas fiction next week, so if you have any songs you'd like me to storify, mention them in comments below. Enjoy the weekend! 


I tugged on her sleeve.

I didn’t know what else to do. I had to do something, but for once in my life, my voice, my mouth, that whole entire bundle that it takes to bring speech into the atmosphere of the living, it was nothing.

I was numb. I was blind and yet, somehow, I had to make myself known.

Her sleeve was soft and silky, as if it were everything that she wasn’t, with the look in her dark eyes and the dusky red lips pursed in thought. I didn’t think she’d even feel it, I thought that perhaps, she wouldn’t even notice me.

I thought she might do it to spite me.

And then she turned and with one simple arch of those dark eyebrows, I knew my fate was sealed.

Perhaps for the worst.

(c) Sara Harricharan 


Yvonne Blake said...

Ohhhh... this is so intriguing! It could go either way! The characters are so interesting! I want to know more...

Hoomi said...

Love it. If that doesn't fuel up a reader's imagination as to what comes next, I'm not sure what would.

Simultaneous+Reality said...

Flash 1-5

+ Love this one's characteristic, short story chop. I want him to get the girl, but whether he does or not, the point is there is no resolution. To the moral person it asks the question, do I want my life to end this way? I can respect this overly brief genre for that reason.
+ You bring out good character in the third paragraph. You're very good at this. You make me ask my own questions of the narrator instead of putting them there for me to ponder. The more questions, the further I read: Why is the authoress writing from the male perspective? Where are these two lovers, a house, an apartment, a space station? Whose intentions do I trust, the unsure lover or the centerpiece assured beloved?
- The theme of worthiness made this feel like a continuation of "Centerpiece"
- And tears don't... "spy". It was hard to concentrate on the narrative after teasing that phrase so long [paragraph 2]. You meant "fly", right? Written words, it's why they have to be chosen so carefully; all of them.
+/- On the second read, I decided it was that 'go green' arrow image that set the tone and left the biggest impression. It's my opinion, sure, but I think more than one person will agree that your cliché opening line suggests that the second-person, intrapersonal narration we're about to witness isn't going to be all that intra-. Perhaps I'm reading the reflections of an aluminum soda can that knows it wasn't put into the recycle bin this time.
+ Yes. I lingered here and I think I know why.
? These words came from a deep, authentic place within, agreed? It didn't matter that the attempt at meter was shabby, especially line five, this princess has a "silver sigh"! Wow. Prompts 1, 2 and 5 are similar in that they seem deliberately from the male perspective, but this one is female, both the narrator and the main character. The presentation is different, elegant, delicate. I don't have to ask how you managed this, this piece, consciously or subconsciously, is all-natural x-chromosome. Wonderful!
- This picture is barely a sleeve. And it's plot driven. Melodramatically plot driven. You trying to show-off for your Friday Fiction Fans?
? Were you trying to describe the sleeve at the start of paragraph four? I question if you need to be so strict. In fact, I further question that you need to be so literal, Sara. Part of the "magic" of your writing is that it's unexpected. Sure, sleeve initially brings to mind a garment covering the arms, but it can also be anything tube-like that fits over another part, like, a document sleeve, i-Pod sleeve, or broccoli sleeve! I guess I'm trying to encourage you, and myself, to go a little deeper at a turning general assumptions off kilter. Isn't that another aspect of good writing?